* Walking around midtown I saw an advertisement with a picture of a baby and three different perceptions of such baby: expense, legacy or love. It makes me wonder which one will apply to us.
* Around 10 years ago I went to a cinema and experienced “Fight Club”, a movie that among other things, ends with “Where is my mind” song of the Pixies. Ten years later I’ve just experienced the Pixies, and their concert also ended with the same song. Both experiences are highlights that I remember with great joy.
* Slow but steady is the only way. There are no short cuts for great rewards. Failure sometimes is the result for giving up. However, it is such a pleasure when the hardest challenges are conquered… only if briefly celebrated, totally worth the effort.
* After covering miles, walking since very early in the morning, we finally sat at a bar and had some beers. The space was somewhat familiar, reminding us of the east village, lower east side or somewhere in park slope. To my benefit, the bartender played the whole Joy Division’s “Closer” album. Montreal turned out to be almost like home… except for everybody speaking french.
“This is why events unnerve me, They find it all, a different story, Notice whom for wheels are turning, Turn again and turn towards this time, All she asks the strength to hold me, Then again the same old story, Word will travel, oh so quickly, Travel first and lean towards this time.
Oh, I’ll break them down, no mercy shown, Heaven knows, its got to be this time, Watching her, these things she said, The times she cried, Too frail to wake this time.
Oh, I’ll break them down, no mercy shown, Heaven knows, its got to be this time, Avenues all lined with trees, Picture me and then you start watching, Watching forever, forever, Watching love grow, forever, Letting me know, forever.”
Ian Curtis (July 15, 1956 – May 18,1980)
* Hope: “the state of feeling that what one wants will or might happen”. And there is also wishful thinking. Whether we get what we want or we earn what we get…. it’s makes me wonder. Do we value more what cost us dearly than what we have taken for granted?
* The day and night that I spent alone in a hotel room watching ‘south park’ and reading some heavy geeky book was quite a special day. It was right before embarking in yet another gruesome demanding challenge… far from home. And this time around I lost. Earned only a few more scars etched on my brain. And yet as difficult and painful as it was…. I will have to get back and try again.
* It feels like baby season. My sister and some of my friends are now trying to figure out this “being a parent” thing. On the job training seems to be standard. The idea of having a “baby-jenny” in the future is quite amusing, even if I am not 100% convinced.
* There is no way to achieve anything perfect: not a relationship, not an engineering design, not a musical composition. It’s a good idea to learn how to find middle ground. Too much of anything can be an overload and override the few good things it has. Too little of anything and it won’t make much of a difference. The science of compromise.
* Whenever I write down my essays I tend to look back into the depths of my past. Can’t write much about the future because it is…. well, unwritten. But at least I want to believe that I am actively shaping my own path, and that the future is whatever I want to achieve. Without goals life is pointless.
* Professor Davis played Mozart in every single lecture. His classes always demanded a lot of attention, but even if the topics were somewhat dry and hard to understand, the music in the background provided us with a soothing relaxing vibe.
* In 1994 the first edition of pc gamer magazine came with a floppy disk and some shareware game.. I fondly remember ‘cannon fodder’. My girlfriend of those days took me to a swimming pool and we spent all afternoon there. Thoughts of a baby crossed our minds. A CD of Afghan Wigs was playing in repeat. And the baby went straight to heaven.
* The other day I found on a fortune cookie something very clever: “a half-truth is a full lie”
It was not totally unexpected when I got a call from my sister to tell me that our grandma had died. And a week after grandma’s departure, my sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. In accounting terms, the account of life and death was balanced. In food terms, sweet and sour go together. In computer terms…. zeros and ones, that’s all there is.
* In the middle of the movie the lsd kicked in, and because it was her first time all of the sudden she grabbed his hand so tight that blood stopped getting to the tips of his fingers. After they left the theater, they sat next to a fountain and spend some undetermined amount of time looking at the rocky bottom of the fountain while the reflected light played visual tricks. Wandering the streets was different. They ran into some friends and talked about nothing with them. Then kept on walking, thinking a millions things per second. And they knew that this was their last night together. Their long distance relationship was broken, not even a wonderful night could mend it. Their hope to be together was no more. But they kept their hands together until dawn, and then went to the park to walk her dogs.
* “Someone shot nostalgia in the back, someone shot our innocence” sang Peter Murphy.